They exist in most of the nuclear families. The disciplinarian instills discipline in his/her kids, enforces on them to choose the right path over the wrong one, and punishes them if the disciplinarians authority has been put to test. As the children grow older, and if the disciplinarian doesnt change his tactics to suite that to the age and wisdom of his/her kids, most of the time, the children would tend to form a "distant" bond with that parent. The kids would tend to begrudgingly respect the disciplinarian. However once they grow older and have kids of their own, the kids do come to realise that the disciplinarian was necessary in order to keep them from letting their lives go for ruin.
However the indulgent one in the family pets and cossets his/her children. He or she tends to become the "coolest" parent in the family. That parent wil be the one who comforts the child when they come running from one of their rows with the disciplinarian, this parent tends to cover for their children at times when he/she feels that the children has had enough of being "disciplined" for the day and as the children grow older, they would tend to form a closer bond with the indulgent one.
Its rare for a family to have both parents acting as the disciplinarian parents. If this were so, the some of the joys of being a kid would never be felt. The kids would always be browbeated by either of the parents and the kid would grow up resenting the fact he was born to that set of parents. Its rarer still to see both sets of parents being indulgent ones. If this were so, the society would be rampant with misbehaved and ill-disciplined people who have no regards whatsoever to the rules of civilization.
From my parents I would have to say my father was the disciplinarian. He was the one who taught us our religion, enforced us to practice it, gave us ear-deafning lectures when we misbehaved and turned the "you may cry now" stare after the hour long lectures. Back then sometimes I resented the fact that he always found some fault with how things were done by me. However as I have grown older and wiser, and eventhough I do not have kids of my own I do realise that he did all that he did to turn me into what I am today. And I love him and respect him for that. Though he tended to make shivers up and run down the spine with fear even in the neighbourhood kids, he has become one of the coolest parents as I have grown older. Though conversations still do turn out into argumentative ones, we have developed a relationship that ensures that I can laugh, joke and be a "friend" with my father.
And my mom tended to be the indulgent one who ensured that food was properly made and put on the table, that we were clean and ready to sleep by bedtime. We could always count on her to sympathise with us and dry our tears when we were crying about some stupid childhood stuff. And even though we drove her crazy when dad wasnt around the house by running around the house with the neighbourhood kids, she was the epitome of patience.
I believe that each nuclear family should have one of each in order to ensure that the children they bring out into the society is a benefit to it as a whole rather than a hindrance. The parents should learn to "let go" as the children grow older, become their friends later on so that they would always be sure that their parents could be counted on through the best and worst in their lives.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Men, the pampered gender of our society
I am not being sexist but, this is something I have always wondered about.. Why do men in our society (at present times) have it so easy? Why are they always pampered and cosseted by every female in the household as if they are imbeciles or something? It is as if the male population might just evaporate into thin air if they have to lift one of their precious fingers to do a "domestic" chore @ home.
I've seen this happen to many Maldivian men and I am sure most of those who have been abroad for longer periods of time, mostly for higher studies have experienced or seen the same thing. Since the male *population* have been petted, pampered and every need of theirs seen to by the female *population* of the household, and for the first time in their lives, they have to take care of themselves, and it tends to *domesticate* most of these men even though it might be for a year or three (that is for those who havent been lucky enough to get married to an unassuming gal and dump all those chores into her lap).
Most of the time you tend to see a change for the good in men's attitude whilst they live in foreign countries. No longer is chopping vegetables to cook a meal considered as a chore that might cause the guy to shed one or two layers of his masculinity *eyes roll*. And hanging up a few clothes to dry after a laundry session doesnt trigger the magical transformation from a guy to girl. Those who are married and whose wives are also on their studies, tend to help out the wife in doing the domestic chores like cooking, cleaning up etc. Its as if they do *realise* that the women folk are also human beings rather than slaves who are there to do their bidding at the drop of a hat.
However disappointingly, upon completion of their studies and once their feet hit the Maldivian soil, the dramatic transformation from the *domestic* male figure to the *pompous* arse comes upon them swiftly. God forbid that they enter the kitchen for a purpose other than to eat or drink a glass of water. It might just get them labelled as "anbi dhashuvefa" or & please, please do not let their mother see them helping out their wife. The wife becomes completely unsuitable for her Almighty son and the *I knew she wouldnt be able to take care of him the way he should be* conversations take place behind the wife's back within the household "Oh-puhleeze!!".
Even though there are a handful of Maldivian men who are secure enough in their masculinity not to be bothered about such trivialities, the majority of the male population tends to relax, lay back and let the ladies of their lives do all the domestic work. Cos us Maldivians deem that its the right way of things, that its how they should be. Cos we have been brought up that way and God forbid that any change be brought to the way we live our life!
I've seen this happen to many Maldivian men and I am sure most of those who have been abroad for longer periods of time, mostly for higher studies have experienced or seen the same thing. Since the male *population* have been petted, pampered and every need of theirs seen to by the female *population* of the household, and for the first time in their lives, they have to take care of themselves, and it tends to *domesticate* most of these men even though it might be for a year or three (that is for those who havent been lucky enough to get married to an unassuming gal and dump all those chores into her lap).
Most of the time you tend to see a change for the good in men's attitude whilst they live in foreign countries. No longer is chopping vegetables to cook a meal considered as a chore that might cause the guy to shed one or two layers of his masculinity *eyes roll*. And hanging up a few clothes to dry after a laundry session doesnt trigger the magical transformation from a guy to girl. Those who are married and whose wives are also on their studies, tend to help out the wife in doing the domestic chores like cooking, cleaning up etc. Its as if they do *realise* that the women folk are also human beings rather than slaves who are there to do their bidding at the drop of a hat.
However disappointingly, upon completion of their studies and once their feet hit the Maldivian soil, the dramatic transformation from the *domestic* male figure to the *pompous* arse comes upon them swiftly. God forbid that they enter the kitchen for a purpose other than to eat or drink a glass of water. It might just get them labelled as "anbi dhashuvefa" or & please, please do not let their mother see them helping out their wife. The wife becomes completely unsuitable for her Almighty son and the *I knew she wouldnt be able to take care of him the way he should be* conversations take place behind the wife's back within the household "Oh-puhleeze!!".
Even though there are a handful of Maldivian men who are secure enough in their masculinity not to be bothered about such trivialities, the majority of the male population tends to relax, lay back and let the ladies of their lives do all the domestic work. Cos us Maldivians deem that its the right way of things, that its how they should be. Cos we have been brought up that way and God forbid that any change be brought to the way we live our life!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Blogging Rocks!! :)
Blogging and reading blogs have become a sort of an addictive habit. Its hard to get through a day without getting a dosage of blogging and reading various blogs that I come across on mvblogosphere. It is one of the perks of the day to get a dose of the blogging community's perspective on different day-to-day stuff. A blog post about a really small issue can turn out to be really interesting based on the comments exchanged back and forth amongst the blog readers and the owner.
Through the short period of time that I've been blogging I've found that:
1- I like it when theres a bit of humour injected into ones blog posts.
2- I like the different templates and designs that bloggers tend to have. Each tidbit adds to their individuality and gives an insight into their personality.
3- I lurrrve it when blog owners reply to the comments left by readers. It tends to establish a sense of *closeness* amongst bloggers via an anonymous mode ;)
4- I like the fact that I can rant and rave @ the *fates* and get away with it :P
5- Though I understand why blog owners tend to moderate their comments on their blogs, it does take *diminish* the joy of commenting on blogs.
Though there are numerous lil things that add to how fun blogging can be, the best thing about it all is that you *meet* a new blogger *buddy* every fine day! :D
Through the short period of time that I've been blogging I've found that:
1- I like it when theres a bit of humour injected into ones blog posts.
2- I like the different templates and designs that bloggers tend to have. Each tidbit adds to their individuality and gives an insight into their personality.
3- I lurrrve it when blog owners reply to the comments left by readers. It tends to establish a sense of *closeness* amongst bloggers via an anonymous mode ;)
4- I like the fact that I can rant and rave @ the *fates* and get away with it :P
5- Though I understand why blog owners tend to moderate their comments on their blogs, it does take *diminish* the joy of commenting on blogs.
Though there are numerous lil things that add to how fun blogging can be, the best thing about it all is that you *meet* a new blogger *buddy* every fine day! :D
Monday, December 31, 2007
New Years and Resolutions
Whilst we are spending the last few hours of the year 2007 and waiting in anticipation for 2008, my mind wondered about the fact, why people tend to be so fascinated with the *new* year. Is it because its termed *new*; just like it brings joy to ones heart when a loved one presents you with a *new* mobile phone for your birthday, when you have a *new* dress to wear to work tomorrow?
Or isit the fact that people need to cling onto the hope that like a new day brings forth hidden surprises along its way, a new year could bring those would-be-happy surprises in abundance?
I for one do not really get what all the rave about the new year is about. I mean even though tomorrow might be the first day of a new year, arent we all just going to feel the same when we wake up tomorrow morning? Arent we just going to wake up in the same bed, go through the same motions we go through every other day, and by the end of it still feel the same (pessimistic I know, but aint it the truth??).
Its not the new year that brings happiness or wonderful surprises into your life. Its those whom you hold dear and close to your hearts that can make a difference in your life. And its the way you choose to live your life that can bring the good/bad changes in your life.
A new year resolution on itself doesnt change a thing. Its just like your dreams and hopes about the future. To achieve those dreams, a lot of hard work and sweat goes into it. Many a day and night are spent raving at the *fates* for the stumbles you take at every turn during the journey made to achieve your dreams. However, if you work hard enough and is courageous enough, you will emerge victorious at the end. I believe thats the *day* that deserves the celebration. For the *new* day that you have been waiting for all your life has arrived then.
And before I forget, I wish all the bloggers a happy *new* year :). Although I might be a bit of a pessimist when it comes to stuff like this, for those with the resolutions and big dreams, best of luck!. With a lil luck and help, yours just might come true.
Or isit the fact that people need to cling onto the hope that like a new day brings forth hidden surprises along its way, a new year could bring those would-be-happy surprises in abundance?
I for one do not really get what all the rave about the new year is about. I mean even though tomorrow might be the first day of a new year, arent we all just going to feel the same when we wake up tomorrow morning? Arent we just going to wake up in the same bed, go through the same motions we go through every other day, and by the end of it still feel the same (pessimistic I know, but aint it the truth??).
Its not the new year that brings happiness or wonderful surprises into your life. Its those whom you hold dear and close to your hearts that can make a difference in your life. And its the way you choose to live your life that can bring the good/bad changes in your life.
A new year resolution on itself doesnt change a thing. Its just like your dreams and hopes about the future. To achieve those dreams, a lot of hard work and sweat goes into it. Many a day and night are spent raving at the *fates* for the stumbles you take at every turn during the journey made to achieve your dreams. However, if you work hard enough and is courageous enough, you will emerge victorious at the end. I believe thats the *day* that deserves the celebration. For the *new* day that you have been waiting for all your life has arrived then.
And before I forget, I wish all the bloggers a happy *new* year :). Although I might be a bit of a pessimist when it comes to stuff like this, for those with the resolutions and big dreams, best of luck!. With a lil luck and help, yours just might come true.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wat the heck?!!
An article which I came across in the Haveeru Daily literally had steam coming out of my ears. In the news piece it was stated that the trial of a guy who had sexually abused his 6 year old step daughter was held on Thursday in his absence.
Now the part that got me riled up wasnt the fact that the trial was being held in his absence. It was the fact that the mother of the child was reluctant to testify against the step father aka her husband (hopefully ex-husband) cos she had a baby who wasnt even a year old from the worse-than-scum-stepdad.
I just couldnt believe it!! I mean I just cant understand why the heck the mother would want to protect the husband when he had SEXUALLY abused her child from a previous marriage when hospital records had also confirmed the fact that the girl had been sexually abused. C'mon!! Someone who sexually abuses six year olds cannot be that good of a husband!!
And I bet the line of defense that the step father would have might just be "Oh comeon!! She was giving me the come-on-to-me signal right from the day i married her mother". Geez!!
I seriously wonder whats wrong with the human generation. Now the mother might go onto defend her actions by saying she was thinking how on earth was she going to take care of her two kids without any financial back-up from the worse-than-scum-stepdad.
I'd say go get a life!!. If someone dares abuse my child, even if the guy may be the love of my life I say he wasnt worth my love in the first place. Single parenthood maybe tough but you will survive. Get a job! Earn a living and provide for your children no matter how measly your earnings might turn out to be. Atleast the children wouldnt grow up haunted by the fact that at any time during the day or night, the evil that lives right beside their mother might pounce on them when he feels like it!!
Now the part that got me riled up wasnt the fact that the trial was being held in his absence. It was the fact that the mother of the child was reluctant to testify against the step father aka her husband (hopefully ex-husband) cos she had a baby who wasnt even a year old from the worse-than-scum-stepdad.
I just couldnt believe it!! I mean I just cant understand why the heck the mother would want to protect the husband when he had SEXUALLY abused her child from a previous marriage when hospital records had also confirmed the fact that the girl had been sexually abused. C'mon!! Someone who sexually abuses six year olds cannot be that good of a husband!!
And I bet the line of defense that the step father would have might just be "Oh comeon!! She was giving me the come-on-to-me signal right from the day i married her mother". Geez!!
I seriously wonder whats wrong with the human generation. Now the mother might go onto defend her actions by saying she was thinking how on earth was she going to take care of her two kids without any financial back-up from the worse-than-scum-stepdad.
I'd say go get a life!!. If someone dares abuse my child, even if the guy may be the love of my life I say he wasnt worth my love in the first place. Single parenthood maybe tough but you will survive. Get a job! Earn a living and provide for your children no matter how measly your earnings might turn out to be. Atleast the children wouldnt grow up haunted by the fact that at any time during the day or night, the evil that lives right beside their mother might pounce on them when he feels like it!!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The Boy from The Beach
Those eyes of his still haunt me
Eyes that had seen more than I would ever see in my whole life..
Eyes that had seen more than I would ever see in my whole life..
Eyes that were brimming with the futile hopelessness
that he must have been feeling..
that he must have been feeling..
Eyes that begged for what he could not voice
Conveying with the look that he was almost ready to give up
Just to feel what it would be like
To end the constant battle for survival..
I watched on a feeling of helplessness so deep within me
that still invoke a feeling of profound sadness in my heart
wishing and hoping that one day he would find
something to live for,
something to hope for,
something to dream about..
This is dedicated to all homeless children out there. My prayers are with you always...
Sky'z The Limit Award
No one needs to talk about the effects of drugs and their devastating effect on our society. Its ingrained in our minds from the moment we step in to this world. "Say no to drugs", "Work together towards a drug free society" are content that we come across almost everyday even though we do not give it a moments thought.
At present, drug users are labelled as people who are "sick", needing all the encouragement and help the society can offer so that they overcome the habit of relying on drugs to keep their problems at bay. In this I disagree to the extent that it is those drug offenders who really WANT to help themselves and WANT to work towards leading a drug free life that need our help and encouragement.
From the moment a child is born into this world, it is the everlasting dream of the parents to provide their child with the betterments in life that they never had. Providing a good education, better health care and living conditions for their family are the motivating factors that propel parents to work sometimes more than one job, just to make ends meet. It is the hope of every parent that their child would grow up to be a person who can contribute towards the wellness of the society.
Achieving this dream is tough enough as it is without battling with the darker forces in the society. The ease of availability of drugs, the rising amount of peer pressure amongst the young to be "cool" (which mostly means performing acts of rebellion towards the authority of ones parents) and the suppliers who are always looking for fresh young blood to "contaminate" makes the job of being a parent extra hard.
The congested conditions within which we live in makes it difficult to bring up ones children in the proper manner of discipline as large extended families have to make do with the cramped housing conditions in the capital city, which is where a proper education can be given to their children. I am certaiin that 99% of the families in our society would have had some sort of run in with drug offenders, either they be within their immediate family or the extended family.
Thus I say that parents who are able to come out victorious in the said battle and bring up their children to be all that and more they have dreamt of them to be, needs to be awarded for the "war" fought on behalf of their children and our society. They should be recognized as those who aimed for the sky and reached it, nevertheless of the forces that act collectively against it.
At present, drug users are labelled as people who are "sick", needing all the encouragement and help the society can offer so that they overcome the habit of relying on drugs to keep their problems at bay. In this I disagree to the extent that it is those drug offenders who really WANT to help themselves and WANT to work towards leading a drug free life that need our help and encouragement.
From the moment a child is born into this world, it is the everlasting dream of the parents to provide their child with the betterments in life that they never had. Providing a good education, better health care and living conditions for their family are the motivating factors that propel parents to work sometimes more than one job, just to make ends meet. It is the hope of every parent that their child would grow up to be a person who can contribute towards the wellness of the society.
Achieving this dream is tough enough as it is without battling with the darker forces in the society. The ease of availability of drugs, the rising amount of peer pressure amongst the young to be "cool" (which mostly means performing acts of rebellion towards the authority of ones parents) and the suppliers who are always looking for fresh young blood to "contaminate" makes the job of being a parent extra hard.
The congested conditions within which we live in makes it difficult to bring up ones children in the proper manner of discipline as large extended families have to make do with the cramped housing conditions in the capital city, which is where a proper education can be given to their children. I am certaiin that 99% of the families in our society would have had some sort of run in with drug offenders, either they be within their immediate family or the extended family.
Thus I say that parents who are able to come out victorious in the said battle and bring up their children to be all that and more they have dreamt of them to be, needs to be awarded for the "war" fought on behalf of their children and our society. They should be recognized as those who aimed for the sky and reached it, nevertheless of the forces that act collectively against it.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The IT Gods
Being IT professionals mean that:
1- You are required to come up with the most "creative" solutions for the most ghastly situations that arise @ work..
2- You are required to pet and console each and every employee of their squirmy complaints when dealing with technical mumbo jumbo and tell them "it happens to everyone" when it REALLY DOES NOT..
3- You require daily doses of botox injections to permanently fix a smile on your face when on the inside you are screaming your inner guts out..
4- You are always required to know the gazillion *new* technologies that come out each and every day..
5- You are required to instill the importance of maintaining data integrity and consistency in ppl who feel indignant when the IT bloke @ work stresses on why data cannot be manipulated as THEY see fit..
6- And most of all You are required to remain SANE throughout the day!!
Gotta get back to work now!! :D
1- You are required to come up with the most "creative" solutions for the most ghastly situations that arise @ work..
2- You are required to pet and console each and every employee of their squirmy complaints when dealing with technical mumbo jumbo and tell them "it happens to everyone" when it REALLY DOES NOT..
3- You require daily doses of botox injections to permanently fix a smile on your face when on the inside you are screaming your inner guts out..
4- You are always required to know the gazillion *new* technologies that come out each and every day..
5- You are required to instill the importance of maintaining data integrity and consistency in ppl who feel indignant when the IT bloke @ work stresses on why data cannot be manipulated as THEY see fit..
6- And most of all You are required to remain SANE throughout the day!!
Gotta get back to work now!! :D
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